I smell stomach acid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
