never play flip cup with pint glasses
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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