He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
