Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
