Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
