Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
