im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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