ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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