Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
