Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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