Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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