Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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