if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We have so much sex to catch up on
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
