I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
