anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
zippers are such a cool invention
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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