Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
