dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How does one acquire holy water?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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