Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
