You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
