Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
