Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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