i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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