now i know why i became what i already was.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
