True but thats because hes a fetus.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
