Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
