at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
