im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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