it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
