just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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