The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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