she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
