I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
