but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
