This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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