I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
