I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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