saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hippo gnu deer
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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