walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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