you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
