My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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