Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I checked into jail on foursquare
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
