I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
