are you still at the devil's house?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
