I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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