So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
