every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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