She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
