swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
