how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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