so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
