the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
