omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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