i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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