Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
