return my video game
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
