Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
