I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
