When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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