She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
