I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
