My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
